When she died, my soul was sundered. So intertwined were we, that the ‘me’ I was, doesn’t exist anymore. I know that life continued, I ate, slept, I went to work, watched TV, I even went to my beloved Texas home football games down in Austin. But if I didn’t have the ticket stubs, I would swear I hadn’t even watched them on TV. I know I visited with friends and that family came to see me. But for the last six months, I retreated into a deep place where light has never been. If only, if only suicide wasn’t a mortal sin–but like that old 60s song Last Kiss. ‘She’s gone to heaven so I got to be good So I can see my baby when I leave this world.’ Tonight is Christmas Eve, and I don’t know how I’m going to make it through tomorrow. I’ve just returned from our midnight candlelight service at church. As we sang endless Christmas carols, something shattered. When my little candle was lit, it illuminated the dark cave of my life. I was singing one of Ginny’s favorites, and when I couldn’t. John cupped her breast with his hand, squeezed it firmly but not painfully and then moved that hand lower down her abdomen. With a single finger extended again, he circled twice around her navel and continued down to the top of her pubes. He traced the perimeter, just brushing against her hair sporadically, across the top, then down one leg, back up again, across the top and down the other leg.By now, Ashley was beginning to moan, just loud enough for the others to hear her. In her mind, she wanted John to touch her, to rub her clit, to do something other than what he was doing. She tried moving her hips upwards, but he was too quick for that, and he stayed with teasing her hair. Once he felt she was resigned to his doing that, he quickly fluttered several fingers through her bush to the bottom of her crotch. She jumped once again.He extended his middle finger slightly and discovered moisture was seeping from her. Moving it closer, he dampened the tip and then began to slide it.
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